You might sense a theme this month. I have completely and totally overbooked myself this month. I went to bed with a sense of dread and woke up in sheer panic. My hubby got me the new iphone for our anniversary last week but I have had some issues syncing because I don”t have much memory left on my rinky dinky laptop despite the fact that I keep dumping into our separate hard drive. As a result my calendar is missing in action. Anything I put into my calendar after October 3 doesn’t seem to exist so my heart is palpitating and my stomach is really starting to hurt.
I do this all the time and for the most part it works out but not without consequences. For instance, I haven’t been home most of the weekend because I took our 6th graders to Christ In Youth Superstart. And then those kids have ended up spending the weekend with us. And my parents were in town this weekend. And my little brother was in town all week and and we saw all the sights in St. Louis.So we ate, and dumped, and ran, and cooked, and ran, and then more people would come over. And my kids were on fall break so as a result our house is utterly devastated. I’m pretty sure in one hour my boys are going to wake up and tell me neither one of them have clean underwear.
But I do these things partly out of obligation but mostly because it sounds like a really good idea. I really think I can be a youth sponsor, cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner 5 times a week, volunteer at school, tutor math, run a 1.5 marathon, host our small group, lead bible study, attend prayer group, organize a fund raiser for breast cancer, celebrate our teachers at church, start a maternity home, decorate my home, have a garden, teach bible class, celebrate my grandmother’s 90th birthday, have brunch, lunch, coffee, or dinner with all my wonderful friends, and make 3 freakin’ Halloween costumes. Most days I really don’t see why I can’t do it all.And it actually irritates me when people constantly make my schedule a source of conversation.
There is one side of me that does panic and completely stress over the pace of life I have set for myself. But there is another larger side of me that is bold and courageous but oddly enough I don’t recognize it all the time. I think because I sweat over the little things and fail to see the big things I’m accomplishing through the grace of God.
This weekend the theme for CIY was Joshua 1:9. Be strong and courageous. Patrick encouraged the students to Know who God is, to Go with Him through His Truth, and to Grow with Him by trusting God is who He says He is and that God will do what He promises He will do.
I believe these promises with all my heart. I honestly believe I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I really want the chance to walk on water someday with Christ.A good part of the time I feel like the Bionic Woman when I am resting in God.
So if I am so powerful and infallible in Christ, why do I stress and panic and freak out? I think it is when I am relying on my own capabilities, when I feel like I have to have all the answers, be perfect, have all my ducks perfectly lined up in alphabetical order, birthdate, and smallest to largest. I feel my weakest, my stupidest, my most wigged out when I forget to put the simplest thing first.
For me to do anything, to accomplish the slightest thing I HAVE to pray. And not just little short prayers for good luck. To keep everything straight I have to lay it all out in front of God and say…
“Look, I don’t know what the heck I’m doing, and a lot of people are looking to me for answers. I need you God in the finest detail of this event, this child, this situation, this project, this problem, this issue, this celebration. I need your eyes, and heart, and feet, and hands to accomplish the things set before me. I am nothing without you and I am everything with you.”
And then I may still get it done 2 hours too late, or little cockeyed, a little burned on the edges, a little over budget, a little slapped together but I know I can call it blessed because God made me bold and courageous enough to at least try.
Now to my boy’s dirty underwear, sometimes that just warrants an early Sunday morning trip to Walmart. What can I say, I’m the Bionic Woman with a little bit of a limp.