Dearest Hubby (DH),
I love you more than words can say but I do have the words to say that I am once again done with temporary single parenting. I whole heartedly appreciate your hard work to be the sole provider for our family. However, I also whole heartedly want to blow up your employer and their “expectations.”
I am somewhat amazed at how self centered I become when you are away for extended periods of time. My time is completely dictated by the children and I grow increasingly annoyed by this fact. Do you know they want to eat at least 3 times a day? Did you realize that our 9 year old boy expects clean underwear everyday? What 9 year old boy even realizes underwear is suppose to be clean? Were you aware they are not legally able to drive themselves to all their activities until they are 16? We also do not seem to have a line out to the street of people who want to spend quality time with our precious children without me paying them.
I’m also assuming you were not aware we are not yet in the age of the Jetsons. The trash still has to be rolled out by hand. The grass continues to grow. And the dishes have to be MANUALLY loaded into the dishwasher. We have two rooms in utter darkness because those lightbulbs actually burn out. AND nobody seems to know how to make dinner except me.
You my DH, treat me like a queen and deny me nothing. The children on the other hand don’t seem to have the same understanding of my status. The 4 year old continues to try and defy the fact that it’s best that I not speak before 7:30 a.m. The 9 year old has no desire to fit my schedule of getting my nails done or a massage or watching my soaps into his schedule of swim practice, day camps, and buying more video games. The 12 year old continues to roll her eyes at me when I ask her to bring me my bon bons. When I yell “OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!” they don’t seem to take me seriously.
So my DH, come home soon so I can take off to New York or Texas or Barbados and you can experience the complexities of temporary single parenting. Don’t worry. I’ll return eventually after I shed the virtual strait jacket. We all love you and miss you terribly. But coming home bearing gifts and adult beverages would be very wise this time around.