It usually happens when I fight demons in my sleep or wide awake in the middle of the night. Either way, it happens when I’m exhausted.
Or sometimes it happens, when I’ve burned 1 or 2 candles at both ends, and I just don’t have anything left to defend myself.
Occasionally, it can happen when I’m just sitting by myself and the thoughts start to swirl around me.
No worries, it’s just anxiety. But it’s something of a thorn in my side.
I was really dealing with it today. I was struggling to hold it together with three energetic kids, some work stuff hanging over my head, and then I looked at my calendar and realized I was suppose to spend the afternoon counseling at Thrive.
I was at my wit’s end. I didn’t have a lot left. However, I was prompted to pray before I ran in at the last minute.
Good thing. Because she was there.
I have counseled this woman for years. I have given her countless pregnancy tests. I have seen 2 children born. I have not talked her out of one abortion. I have held her hand and cried after many miscarriages. We have both breathed sighs of relief for just as many negative pregnancy tests.
She only comes on my day to counsel.
But I don’t have much a regular schedule anymore with the addition of Sparrow in my life. Which is why it’s just weird. Or crazy God cool. Or something.
But she was there today. As soon as I got there.
With that that scared apprehensive look in her eye as she tried to keep a cool demeanor in front of the current baby daddy.
I have to admit. My first reaction was anger. How could she be here again? How many times do we have to go through this? She is smart. She is educated. She is independant. She is beautiful. Why won’t she learn? I am obviously not making a difference.
And then my own demon reared up with those ugly phrases of “you are of no consequence, don’t even try, you can’t even control yourself, how can you make a difference, why on earth are you even trying…”
Then God came through in a powerful way.
All I can tell you is He was there. As He is always is. And as He will always be.
So I hugged her. And we prayed. And we made it through another crisis. Until next time.
But even when I am weak He is strong.