For once, I just wanted to be one of “those moms.”
My kids have been back in school for a week. We started off on the right foot. All of the school supplies bought 2 weeks before hand. All of them sorted and labeled properly before Meet The Teacher Night. I had all the forms filled out. I had even created a binder with a section for each kid school info. The lunch shelf was restocked with our baggies of chips, fruit cups, and oreos. We’ve gone a whole week without me hearing “MOMMY, I don’t have any underwear in my drawers!” The calendar was filled with all the important school dates and deadlines. I made breakfast every morning, packed their lunches, and even had after school snack waiting for them even if I wasn’t going to be able to meet the bus.
I was on top of it. This was going to be our year of tear-free, stress-free mornings. This was going to be the year I didn’t send in a coffee stained permission slip I found in the back of the car. I was even thinking about joining the PTO for both schools my kids attend.
Until this morning.
I forgot it was Picture Day.
I didn’t have the clothes laid out. What girlie picked to wear didn’t fit. I couldn’t find the order form. I couldn’t find my purse to find the check book to make a check for I thought the total might be. I’m flying around like a lunatic between the garage, my desk, and the kitchen counter. Where is that stupid binder with all the forms?!? In the meantime A-fig is refusing the eat the hot breakfast. MSS decided to run for Student Council. This morning. He needed forms signed and put in envelopes. Girlie needs to know what integers are not whole numbers. A-fig decides at this point to do his best Aerosmith impersonation on the piano. MSS is trying out campaign slogans. Girlie is near tears because I asked her to re-do her hair.
ENVELOPES? How am I going to find envelopes right now.
EAT child! There are children in your country
going without food this morning!
Mommy has no idea even what an integer is any more!
The kitchen table is covered with last night’s paper plates and homework pages. The fish tank is now a lovely emerald green. A backpack is gone. A lunch box already reeks of moldy leftovers. We’re out of milk and juice. I apparently missed 2 important emails in my inbox about school stuff. And of course, the bus is early today.
Gone is the Mommy of The Year Award in one short week.
These are some of the things that bother me about myself. Like the fact that this bothers me, bothers me. I know I’m not all that. I know I was never intended to be “that mom.” I don’t like talking about kid’s bowel movements, how much better my kid is than yours, or what brand shoe I’m buying or not buying.
I just don’t want to let my kids down. I want so much for them.
But it’s morning like today that more than anything I want my kids to know I love them. In the storms, in the craziness, in the unexpected, in the disappointments, in the frustrations, I will always, always, love my kids. Nothing they do or I do can ever change that fact.