For some reason I let the grief and fear come tonight.
I’ve been trying to shut out what happened last Friday in Newtown. I couldn’t bear to look at the tiny little faces. I didn’t want to see parents grieving through this awful nightmare. I didn’t want to think of up-opened Christmas presents under a tree.
I wanted to be numb to the horrific events.
Because I have a 6 year old.
I have a 6 year old that has been putting me through the ringer lately. He’s constantly in trouble at school, on the bus, at church, at home. We’ve had to discipline and punish a lot. And it’s exhausting. And I’m out of creative parenting skills. And to be very honest it’s been a relief to put him on the bus and send him to school.
I have a 6 year old who can’t pass up a stick outside or a mud puddle.
I have a 6 year old sings songs about poop.
I have a 6 year old who’s room is always in an absolute state of wreckage.
I have 6 year old who thinks it is hysterical to fart as many times as possible during bedtime prayers.
I have a 6 year old who loves to mimic people to the point of insanity.
I have a 6 year old who cannot possibly walk holding hands, he has to jump off every curb and stone.
I have a 6 year old who’s idea of good time is destroying large towers of blocks.
I have a 6 year old that complains about vegetables incessantly.
I have a 6 year old that whines without hesitation every time he’s suppose to turn off the TV or video games.
I have a 6 year old who has not slept through the night in his own room for three months.
But I have 6 year old who is alive, and breathing, and healthy, and vibrant, and is looking forward to Christmas and wants to be a police officer or a fire chief or a pizza delivery guy depending on the day. And I embrace all of his persistent annoying habits, discipline issues, and uncontainable energy as an absolute gift.
So it was really hard to explain to my 6 year old why Mommy was crying for other 6 year olds tonight as we read the nursery rhyme “There Was A Crooked Man” before bedtime. It was difficult to speak to why other mommies and daddies are probably crying over their 6 year olds tonight. I couldn’t tell him why I watch the bus leave with him a bit longer now. I couldn’t tell him why I wait for the bus to come home with him a little earlier now. I couldn’t tell him why I get people debating gun control and mental health issues. They’re all just trying to find their way to control the grief and fear we all have.
I have no way of wrapping up this post. Just to say hug your annoying kids a little tighter. Don’t give up praying for your little boogers. Take all that life has to offer and always look for joy. Especially in little 6 year olds.