I’ve spent a large portion of February under the covers and sitting in doctor’s offices. I’ve had a headache of varying degrees since about February 1. I go to bed each night willing my head not to be throbbing in the morning only to wake up and think maybe by the end of the day it will be gone.
Most days I get up, get the family out the door, do a few hours of work, and then go drag myself under the covers. The next day I get up, get the family out the door, have a few meetings, then cower in the dark for awhile. I try to be upbeat, conduct myself as normal, do the things I always do like basketball, soccer mom, hanging with middle schoolers, crawl through the local coffee houses while doing my best to ignore the jackhammer in my temple or the searing ice pick in my neck.
But I’m not fully me. I’m irritable. Ok, I’m downright grumpy. Robert says I frown all the time. I hurt and I’m mad about it. I can’t focus. Decision making is foggy. Tasks requiring concentration over 20 minutes are piling up all around me. No one seems to have a definable answer as to why my whole life I’ve had headaches and migraines much less why it’s become a daily occurance. Doctors prescribe muscle relaxers I can’t begin to take because of the slobbering pile of poo I become. Everyone else blames my schedule, workload, caffeine intake, insufferable personality, the waxing moon, the weather, perhaps the fact that I didn’t wear red on Valentine’s Day so Cupid is having revenge on me…whatever.
I change my diet, drink more water, visit the physical therapist and chiropractor almost daily, take more anti-inflammatory supplements, gag down cherry juice concentrate, ice, stretch, get massages, try to relax (oxymoron in and of itself), will my mind to take over my body. And I’m exhausted. I look tired. I sound tired. I am tired. WHATEVER I try, nothing seems to be working.
So today, I’m going to do my best not to fight the headaches. It is my thorn in my side so to speak. They are there. To the best of my knowledge I have no crazy tumor at least in the frontal lobe as the MRI was only able to see the front part of my skull and brain due to my braces. I can’t ignore the pain. I can’t will it away. I can’t be one of those heroically grace filled, poised individuals who doesn’t whine and moan and complain. I’m actually quite good at whining, moaning, and complaining. It may actually be one of my spiritual gifts.
Today I will smile. I will laugh. I will sing. I will pray. I will crawl under the covers as needed. Whatever God is blessing me with today I choose to seek it through this stupid, ongoing headache.
And then I will crawl back out again and go another round. Whatever God is blessing me with today I choose to seek it through this stupid, ongoing headache.
Finally brothers, WHATEVER is true, WHATEVER is noble, WHATEVER is right, WHATEVER is pure, WHATEVER is lovely, WHATEVER is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.