It’s not that I’m not listening.
I hear everyone saying I push to hard. I set a hard pace. That I need rest. That I need Sabbath. That I will burnout.
But I get so exhausted sitting still.
When I was a child being sent to bed was one of my punishments. I remember being forced to nap and doing everything in my power to keep my eyes closed for thirty incredibly long minutes. Truth be told I’m sure my parents needed a break from my exuberance and energy.
Like this evening for instance I tried doing some housework after helping the boys with their homework. I really truly tried not to open up my laptop again but I just was hit with all kinds of ideas and “what ifs.” So I needed to read, and research, and write lists of possibilities, and draw up plans, and, and, and…
It’s a creative process that makes me feel alive. To tell my brain to turn off I feel does more harm than good most days. If I try to sleep on it I won’t. And it’s not like I’m a fountain of great or even good ideas. I maybe have 1 out of 50 ideas that are worth pursuing. But that one idea needs someplace to go.
Like this blog entry for instance. Not a whole lot of substance. Not a whole lot of value or information. But maybe just a push for someone else not to squash thinking, daydreaming, planning, strategizing, but to throw up in on the wall and see if it sticks.