A Bump On A Log

You reach a point in life when you surrender to being a bump on a log.
You have a series of bad days, months, so so years and you want to pursue escapes to maintain your mental preservation. However, you come to a point when you realize even the escapes have more negative impact. You want to call a friend but realize you don’t know the last time you had a conversation and that just leads to more guilt about dead end relationships. You want to have a drink or eat gluttony but you come to the realization that the lethargy and added weight really do nothing to lift the little black cloud. You consider running to the movie theater or away on a trip but the realities of family, kids, and responsibilities outweigh any momentary escape. Besides there’s no extra money for that type of frivolity anyway. You think of creative outlets but find it exhausting. You try to read but your mind wanders. You try to listen to music but find it oddly irritating. Silence is attacking but you want peace. Crying draws too much attention. Temper tantrums get you labeled as difficult. Sleeping too much is depressing. You realize you really only have the ability to be a bump on a log,not drawing too much attention, not using up a reserve of energy,just existing trying not to to take up too much space.