Sometimes you are sitting in yet another hotel room getting ready for yet another workshop. And you feel as weary as a wrung out towel. But more like a wrung out towel that was used to clean up an overflowing toilet.
Your mind is a million miles away trying to figure out how to keep it all from falling apart but make it look like it is not. You pretend to go through the exercises of scheduling and strategy but in your head you start having conversations with God that sound like “if I do this… God will you do…”And you find yourself praying prayers that sound oddly like “there must be something wrong with me for this to be so difficult, I must have made a mistake, maybe I’m not the right person, is this the hoop you want me to jump through or is it this one…You beg for a pruning even though you feel like there isn’t much left to you but surely you are holding on to something to make this so hard.
Then you have a bajillion people tell you to listen to Vienna, Just the Way you Are, Keeping the Faith, She’s Got A Way all by Billy Joel and all of sudden everything is ok if you let yourself hear God speaking through music you had wished would distract you. And you just be you. And you once again realize everything is already ok for one more day even if you have another post that sounds like rinse and repeat, maybe somebody else needs it to be ok to feel like you don’t quite measure up.