I pray big but my faith is so small

I just psyched myself out. I have a really big week and I’m a little wigged out. I have face to face meetings with church leaders, community leaders, and financial leaders all right in a row. I’ve been praying for opportunities like these and now that I have them I’m not quite sure what to think of it. Maybe because they’re all happening at the same time. During a week I’m single parenting. And because I pray big but my faith is so small.

Sometimes when I’m wigged out I go for a drive in the river bottoms or just any straight piece of road. I get a lot of clarity with the windows down, cold sharp air hitting my face, good positive music playing, and just time away to sort and categorize my thoughts. But tonight that’s not feasible. I felt a claustrophobic with so many questions, doubts, and thoughts  so I just stepped out into the backyard.

And God had placed the Big Dipper up front and personal for me in my backyard. I literally stepped outside and felt like I could have reached out just barely and caught a handful of stars. Within a moment of taking a deep breath of that crisp winter air and a glimpse of a clear bright night sky God brought back all perspective.

I don’t know what the week really holds. Oh, I know what’s on the schedule. I know I would like to happen. But how that is going to unfold is a mystery to me. However, I’m reminded to set my gaze on Christ, and to hand over my fear, doubt, and insecurities and accept that He really does have this.

Isaiah 40:26-28

The Message (MSG)

 25-26“So—who is like me? 
   Who holds a candle to me?” says The Holy.
Look at the night skies: 
   Who do you think made all this?
Who marches this army of stars out each night, 
   counts them off, calls each by name
—so magnificent! so powerful!— 
   and never overlooks a single one?

 27-31Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, 
   or, whine, Israel, saying,
“God has lost track of me. 
   He doesn’t care what happens to me”?
Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening?
God doesn’t come and go. God lasts. 
   He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath. 
   And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired, 
   gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out, 
   young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. 
   They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don’t get tired, 
   they walk and don’t lag behind. 


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